Trust yourself to shift, just a bit
Hi, I hope you’ve had a good week. A big welcome if you’ve joined this little community since my last email. And a big thank you if you’ve stayed around to see what’s coming next!
This week, my random advice to self is: Trust yourself to shift, just a bit.
I’ve noticed, both in my own mind and in conversations with coachees, a common thought that can hold us back from making a change that we really want to make.
It sounds a bit like this: I want to make a change, but I don’t want to go too far.
For example:
“I wish I was less of a people pleaser… But I don’t want to be selfish”
“I’d love to be more confident… but I don’t want to be arrogant”
“I wish I got a bit more recognition for my work… But I don’t want to be one of those people who’s always talking about how great they are”
“I’m sick of work taking over my life… But I don’t want to become a total slacker”
Perhaps you recognise some of these. Or perhaps you can think of your own version.
On the face of it, these thoughts are harmless. For example, it’s totally understandable to want to be more confident without becoming arrogant!
The reason they can cause us problems, though, is because there are often two assumptions quietly lurking in the background of our minds:
“If I make a change, I will go too far”
“If I go too far, I won’t be able to change back”
If these were true, the idea of making a change would be understandably daunting. It would feel far less risky to stay where we are. To stay people-pleasing, under-confident, or burning out. Whatever it is that’s no longer working for us.
Thankfully, these assumptions are very rarely true. They're examples of cognitive distortions - habitual ways of thinking that aren’t accurate, and are often unrealistically negative.
In reality, it's unlikely that we will suddenly shift from one extreme to another, without any ability to intervene. I know from experience that we don't go from overworking to slacking overnight!
If anything, our habits can be so deeply entrenched that change can be frustratingly slow. We will most likely have plenty of opportunities to rein ourselves in if we do feel ourselves going too far.
So, if you're considering making a change, here’s an invitation to trust yourself to shift, just a bit. And to know that, worst case scenario, you can always shift back.
Heather x
Photo by Piret Ilver on Unsplash